Notes From the Abyss

Hello. I hope you haven’t missed me too much. I’ve been away for awhile because frankly, I haven’t felt well enough to hardly read anything let alone write. I’m feeling better for the moment and I feel like writing so let me catch you up on what’s been happening.

As you can tell from the title of this blog today, things have not been all sunshine and rainbows. It began several weeks ago when I was admitted to the hospital for surgery. As they were wheeling me away to surgery, Brenda said they could literally see my abdomen swelling by the minute. When I came out of surgery, they had cut away a large potion of my colon. They said it was the size of a child, hence the title of my blog, “Does this cancer make my colon look fat.”
I guess it did. They took out the tumor, part of the colon, and about 19 pollups. They didn’t get everything out of the colon. I have a nice set of stitch marks from the staples they put in. I also now where a colostomy bag. What joy. I spent a couple of weeks in recovery before the GHS let me go.

A couple of weeks later I was back in the hospital over a bleeding problem I was having. Our Dr. Looked at it for 5 minutes and told me to come back if it still bleeding in a couple of days. That lasted until that night when I was rushed to the ER. Seems I had a slight tear on my colon that the doc neglected to check. After a couple of stitches, the on call surgeon was done. One night stay for observation and I thought I was on my way to recovery.

After I got home I found I had no appetite at all and everything made me nauseous. The nausea began to be a major problem because I couldn’t make myself eat or drink. My weight crept down while my dehydration began to creep in. By the end of the second week out of the hospital, I had reached the point of vomiting every few minutes. So…….back to the hospital we go. This time they did a cat scan . Then they hooked me up to an IV for the fluids and they kept shoving pain meds in me as well as nausea medicine and yet I was still sick after for days of this. We made the decision to leave. When the staff heard that they suddenly began appearing. The doctor finally showed up and said they would really like to run some tests. Hello!!!! I had been here four days and now you want to check me out! Too late. My wife and I had it with GHS. The doc said he wouldn’t release me. We would leave AMA which meant insurance would not pay for the stay. After he left, Brenda called our insurance and explained the situation and our insurance person said we shouldn’t worry, they would cover it. (Thank you Cobra).

Since I left the hospital I have began to get my appetite back, we’ve been able to manage my nausea, and I have began walking without my cane more and more. So much for the doctors. My wife swears she will never use GHS again. It seemed as if no one person knew what the other was doing. They very nearly gave me a drug I’m allergic to and one that was never needed.

And the my wonderful daughter started searching and contacting hospitals and the particular cancer center in Philly is one of the best and they have agreed to see me this week. So we will be flying up this week for a few days and we will see what they have for me. I didn’t want to go but my daughter and wife guilted me into it. I think it will be a good thing though. If they can’t fix me, then no one can.

Now while all this was going on, the darkness can settle in to you pretty quick.I am a Christian. I have been saved. I believe in the healing powers of Christ. But when you are in the depths of being poked, and prodded,tested, and all those wonderful needles, you can get discouraged verily easily. I’ve now prayed many a night asking God to heal me from this disease. I have many, many faithful friends who do the same. But many times I’ve felt very alone, as if God doesn’t care.
Sometimes I don’t know what to believe. I know everyone says God works on His own time, but mine is running out…..and I’m very tired. We’ll see how things go in Philly.